9. Unbecoming Our Lack of Purpose

OHHHH HI! 

There's a jazzy lil surprise in this episode! 

Ever have those times in life where you feel restless for people, places, things, yet unsure of what you are specifically yearning for? 

Could be because you are not living out your life's purpose. Your soul's mission. That thing that ignites you.  

On this episode, we dig into how to find that purpose and what to do when you don't quite believe you can accomplish that goal! Or that it will ever actually happen...

With Love,
JV and LT 

Transcript

Unknown: 0:02

Welcome back to the consciously unbecoming podcast where we dig deep into the beliefs that had been thrown at us forced upon us that we didn't necessarily get to choose. And we decide which ones are here to stay and which ones gots to go. I am your co host. Yes, I said co host, Jess Vogelpohl. I have a very special announcement. A good friend and my shamanic mentor. And you saw her a couple episodes ago, Lauren foo is going to be joining us as another fearless co host. So we're excited. I know, I'm excited. say some words. Lauren, I just as you are announcing that I just got a wave of excitement again. So yes, very excited. Um, I'm so so happy to be here. And, and just to talk with you and with the followers and and, and to connect and share my experiences and and to hear your experiences too. I think that this has been a natural process of becoming for the consciously unbecoming. Whoops, I did there. Yeah, I did. Is that a mom joke? I think so. Oh, okay. Well, I guess it's better than a dad joke. Laugh, you know, so me too. So hard, make me laugh so hard? Well, we were we were kind of brainstorming a little bit before this. And we decided that kind of the, the vibe that we're trying to achieve here is two good friends that have lived to have lived through some shit, and have turned that shit into resiliency. But we're also both still learning. And we're always we always will, if there will never be anyone that is in any type of role that is a healer that is talking about healing that shouldn't be doing some sort of healing work, or their own shadow work. And so we were actually talking about how we went this just to be two friends talking, we're not going to go overly prepared and make it really rigid, but we're just going to talk and if it resonates with you, cool, definitely let us know which parts and if there's anything you want to hear more of. But otherwise, let's, let's jump into talking about how do we find our purpose in life. And actually, when I want to correct myself, because I don't believe we find it. I believe we remember our purpose, I think we are born. And then we have all of these life experiences that happen that pile on and we lose that clarity that we had when we were born. And for some of us, we're supposed to lose that clarity, in my opinion, because there's a lot that we have to go through define. So talk to me a little bit, Lauren, because I know you've a lot of experience about this, of kind of remembering your life's purpose. Right. So I would say anytime somebody starts talking about the life purpose, the first thing that comes to mind is what did you want to do when you're a kid? Huh? Right. That's when we're most unfiltered. That's when you really kind of know what brings you joy, and that kind of stuff. For me as a kid. Now, I wasn't completely clear on what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to help people want to help people in some way. And so in, in elementary school, and middle school, you know, they make you take these tests that kind of shows you the aptitude for what you would be good at and the only options I got were nursing, caretaking, that that kind of stuff. And, you know, I went down that road for a little bit in my military career, and when I was going through school and stuff like that, the medical side of it, but that wasn't quite it. I think I also wanted to be a veterinarian, but at the core of that I wanted to help people, which is my purpose, right? I just wasn't sure what that would look like. That's what I'm doing now. Right? I help people. So, um, so the first thing that comes to my mind is what did you want to do as a kid? And then what are you super passionate about now? Right, so anything that you're passionate about now, this could be whales, this could be people who have experienced sexual assault, this could be veganism, this could be anything, right? All of these different things. So whatever you're super, super passionate about on a core level I feel that leads you to what you're here to do. You wouldn't be like so charged about it or so like excited about it, or into it, if it wasn't in some way related to what you're supposed to be doing. Yeah, absolutely. Because those those interests that we have in those passions that we have are often breadcrumbs that were inserted there for a reason. And I think when we when we have those moments of clarity of like, oh yeah, I really do love freakin whales and or I really do love talking about veganism. Because XYZ This is my story. And those breadcrumbs are there for a reason. It's our job to have because you can see spiritual beings having a human experience in these sexy little meat suits we have going on and deciding, am I going to listen? Am I going to listen to that purpose and that right there because I can hear listeners go here because I went here, because I love to play devil's advocate of the bridging the gap between I love or have this passion and monetizing it. And wow, this is so far outside of the typical, you have one job, you work 40 to 80 hours a week, you get a paycheck. And that's all you live by. And how do you bridge that gap? And I mean, that's I'm sure there's so many people out there that are wondering that. But then also thinking about to like there's something to unpack there in terms of money. Exactly. Oh, okay. Thank you, thank you, because I'm like jumping on my skin about it. We were not created, we were not born to make money. That is a man made cultural construct. Your purpose really has nothing to do with money. Right. But we have found ways to some of us to make our purpose, a way that also energetically is an exchange that helps propel our life. Right? i In the beginning, when I first started doing spiritual work, I was like, how am I going to live in abundance doing this without living in ethics, without taking advantage of people? Right? And saying, my values? How am I going to do that. And I think the first step is to really to do the shadow work and to release the obsession with money in your passion. Like I'm working on that right now. You know, I'm saying like find the first thing that we need to do is find the passion and do the passion for the sake of the passion, the money will come. Money comes when you're in alignment. So the best thing to do about the money is to let go completely about it and start tapping into the energy, the emotions of being in your purpose, because when you're in alignment, people will come to you. Yeah. Doing. I used to. Yeah, I mean, I think that that's fantastic. And working through that money thing has been huge for me, because that is I mean, when you grow up without it, I didn't realize how much of my core identity was woven into the scarcity mindset of money. And actually, that's funny. So when you I wrote down on my little note paper here of when you're talking about what you want to be when you grow up when you were a kid, and I wanted to be a lawyer, and a defense attorney, please note, take note. But the thing is, the reason I wanted to be that is because it made the most money when I was a kid, a doctor and a lawyer that made the most money because that was something my parents were always wanting, like, God loved parents, right? You know, they, some of our parents, some of our parents actively do messes up, but then there's things where they're trying to give us a better life or instill something within us. And then before you know it, you've got this terrible, terrible, self limiting belief. And so for me, getting through that money is huge. And I, what do you think about, I guess, for the I had a client that I used to coach and God, I loved her so much. She was so so sweet. And she uses she was stuck between wanting to work her nine to five, because she had a single mom had to pay your bills. I get that like there's sometimes there's just priorities, and I get it. And then also shifting into she called it her side hustle of she want to do group coaching of some sort and really great gal. And she's like, Well, what do I do? And I said, well, great question. You tell me because I don't have the answers you do, but shifted and say okay, well, this nine to five right now is helping me save money to go out and build my brand the way that I want to do it. And so those tiny little shifts because she couldn't just up and leave her job. She those tiny shifts helped her when she did was loving what she was doing. And she was able to then find her bliss. And that's something that we should be able to tap in no matter what. No matter what if we freakin hate our jobs, I get it. I'm not saying stay in there and your job if it's making you want to die every day. But I'm also saying don't put yourself in financial ruin just up and quit and follow your bliss. We have to make our bliss sometimes until we can actually get into that and you might think otherwise. I think it's about harmony. Um, I think it's about harmony. It's it's not finding the balance because balance means 5050 Right harmony means that this is working for me. I am in flow here. So I would even take it a step further and instead of changing the mindset about the job being this is supporting me to do my side hustle, it's calling that job your side hustle that the nine to five is your side hustle Yes, oh, I just got full body goosebump me too. And I got this from totally from spirit when I was. So you know, I do the highest and healed program. And I was a lot of my not all of them. But a lot of the programmers want to step into being a healer or a reader or some sort of, you know, in alignment with their spiritual side and step into a business with that, right. So this girl, she quit her job, good, like kudos, it was. It was really not good for her like it was making money, but it was mentally physically draining her to the point where she couldn't do anything else, right? So so she quit. And now she's looking for a another side hustle that she can do to that's going to allow more time and energy for her to devote to what she really wants to do. Right. So I was like, well, first of all, stop looking at it, like you're looking for a job, you're looking for a side hustle. And she was like, Oh, my God, that was because she was really feeling like energetically resistant to even going and finding another job. Because in our minds, we think this is the job that I'm supposed to do. So it has priority. Well, no, not necessarily. It is your side hustle. And then the other thing I would say is, I can't remember who I heard this from, I think it was from John Maxwell. But I love him. So so much. And John Maxwell talks a lot about leadership and like accomplishing your goal. And he was talking about make a list of all of your goals for your life, like your big, big goals, one of those, I would say particularly focusing on your goals around your purpose, you know, and then if you have more than three goals, then then you're never going to accomplish those three goals. Look, I feel attacked, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, no, I love it. If you have these three goals, you're going to always be working on them. But if you are your main goal, like these are the three things that you want to make sure that you accomplish in your life. But maybe you have other lower level accomplishing goals, when you start making progress here, you're going to go over there, and you're going to start making progress on that right. But that keeps this from moving forward. This keeps you from really focusing on what you want to do, and kind of gets you on these distraction goals. So you really clarify what is it like what is my goal, maybe maybe you don't know what your passion is yet, then your number one goal needs to be finding out what your passion is. And that needs to take precedence over some other things, you know. But again, if I don't know, meeting ends meet or like making sure that your ends meet, then one of those goals is also going to be to have a side hustle until you're able to maximise on this goal. But if you only have three top goals, and you're considering that job as a side hustle, you're going to be much more likely then and have much more energy to input into the thing that you're trying to grow. Or, you know, John Maxwell says you spend one hour on any topic. And in five years, you'll be an expert. You'll be a master. It's an hour, like is there an hour a day, just like Simon Sinek talks about like brushing your teeth, two minutes a day doesn't do anything for you. But brushing your teeth two minutes a day, twice a day, every day makes a huge difference. So are you saying it's small consistent steps that add up? Yeah, it's not a quantum jump. It's No, but that's what we tried to do. And we're and we're really, I'm kind of, like, bashed in the head all the time about hustle, push up, like make it happen, did it did it win, sometimes, you know, when things aren't working, that's when you need to go and have fun. That will keep filling you up to have the energy to keep moving towards your passion. I think that's, that's okay. So let me go back for a second. So when you're saying choosing your three goals, so like, can you give some examples of that? Because that kind of confused me? Yeah, yeah. So you have to think about it in like your life is like your show. It's your show. And you get to curate it. So we all get main character vibes. Yes, main character vibes, you get to curate it. But you can even look at it as like a legacy that you're passing on to other people and be like, Well, what, what? Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What do I want to be known as in this life? What do I want to leave? Because that's really our purpose in this life is to leave the world a better place, like just as humans are very general. We are here we were created to come here and to appreciate what we have Mother Earth, the universe, cosmos, the amazingness of it, and we're here to make this place better. We're here to create in our own unique ways, you know, so you have to think about there are a lot of goals. There are a lot of programming in your brain like what you're Talking about where like, some of your goals are not even yours. They're not even yours. So you can curate your life but being like, Okay, what is my goal as a mother? What is my goal? Back to? Yeah? What is my goal as a person, right. And as a person, my goal is one of my number one goals is to serve my purpose, because I know if I served my purpose here, then I'm going to learn a lot, I'm going to have a lot of soul development. When you're born, you're born with a soul, you're not born with money, when you die, your soul goes, and you can't take the money, right? So the most important thing that we should, that I believe we should be cultivating is personal development, inner, inner development of the soul. So by curating your life by figuring out like, what are my goals for life? Top Things would be like, purpose, family, health, those kinds of things. So in your relationships in, in you serving your purpose in in those kinds of things? What are your goals? And then really kind of going through and being like, is that a real goal of mine? And? And is this like, why is this a goal of mine? Is it because I get something from it, like on a deeper level? Or is it because it makes me financially secure? Because we think, especially when we're raised without it, we think that when we have the money, everything is going to be solved? And that's not true. I've worked with enough very high level clients to know that money doesn't solve your problems. Oh, not at all, you just have different kinds of problems, or the same kinds of problems. You know, but it's not that different. So by curating your goals, it's really about looking at your life, seeing what you want to leave, seeing what you want to accomplish, examining those and being like, which ones are really mine. Which ones are other ones that maybe I picked up for my parents, or maybe which ones are what I picked up for cultural norms, anything money related culture or norm. But there's nothing wrong with wanting money, no, write it all at the frequency of money, you know, but that just that shouldn't be your goal. By focusing on what fills you up and what you're naturally good at, and what you just feel drawn to, by you energetically aligning with that all of the other things are going to energetically align with it. That is wonderful. Question. But I'm see you all see why Esther took the hostess with me. I took down some notes, because that's what I do. But one of the things that I recently kind of started to learn, but you just really hit me in between the eyes is for me growing up without money, I, I associate money with safety. And so if you take money away from from me, or if I'm not achieving at the level, I want to achieve that I'm not safe. And so if you think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, safety is at the bottom, you have to have that secure safety, but I'm trying to put safety, I'm trying to derive safety from something external, which could be taken away at any minute. Exactly. And so that is I mean, that, that that's huge for all of us. And, and I also wrote this, I saw it on Instagram, it's a Jim Carrey quote, I know, people have their opinions. I love him. He's really, like, I just think that the movie, the mask, and then and then I like read these really deep quotes from him. And I just just shows you how different people can be and how nuanced we all are. But he essentially said, I wish everybody would go make so much money and get so famous, so they could realize that it doesn't matter, right. And that's easy. It's so easy to say that when you're in a situation where you're not trying to figure out how you're going to afford groceries. And I know there are a lot of people in financial hardship right now with this pandemic. And and I get that it sucks. It's hard to it's really hard to do that mindset when you're stuck in the trenches. And I've been there before, and I hate I hate it because it's like I know everything about Don't, don't start thinking don't start spiraling about all of these things because you're just gonna start attracting that that scarcity. But it's hard not to think about it. But for me, I needed to think about it because I I needed to get really uncomfortable about money, I needed to realize that it was my form of safety so that now I can integrate that knowledge and no, you need to feel safe within your own body. You need to create your safety, right? That's why it doesn't matter if you have this knowledge. It doesn't matter if I go out into the world today and I had this knowledge of money safety, right and this is where it came from. If I don't now integrate it and say in and feel it coming up. And so that integration might look like I'm going about my day and I go to the grocery store, and my grocery bill is 150. And that's, you know, 40 bucks over budget or whatever. Instead of saying to myself, I'm like freaking out about it. I can just remind myself of your, your safety does not depend on this, right? We're have a mantra. I know, one of my favorite when I'm starting to feel anxiety when I first got into the power of our minds, and really what it could do I kind of chuckle a little bit now because my keeping us so little back then. But I remember one, he still, yeah, sometimes I get kind of embarrassed thinking about my early days of just where I've become who I've become. But my favorite mantra or affirmation is, I will not allow toxic thoughts. That was one of mine, like the very first, very first mantras, which now I know that that served me and it was okay. But a better one is I only invite safe thoughts. I only invite positive thoughts. So instead of focusing on that negative thing you don't want, let's focus on what we do want. So what about it. So a tool that I teach this is really common, I did not make this up. A lot of people know about this, but what I personally call it is thought stopping and reframing. It's a neurological. It's a neuro pruning technique, basically. So the thoughts that we think you have overnight, it's 80, to 90,000 thoughts a day, and what our body does, and our subconscious does, and any thought that's on repeat, it says, You don't need to hear that, I'll just play it in the background. So what it does is all of the thoughts are playing in the background. And when you start becoming aware, when you start stepping into your healing, or when something's really confronting you in the face those thoughts, then you notice them and you catch them, right. So when you're catching those negative thought loops, when whatever it's about whether it be money or whatever, there's two different things that you can do. There's the stop sign technique. And then there's the five second rule, the stop sign technique is literally when you catch yourself thinking that thought you out loud, say stop, and you picture a stop sign in your brain. Right? What this does is we've been neurologically conditioned that when we see a stop sign we stop, right. So by visualizing it in your mind's eye, you're getting that neural pathway to you're halting that neural pathway from running, and kind of wearing it down. That's why we, it's so hard to change. Because our brain wants to do the easiest thing, it takes over 25% of the calories that we intake every day, our brain just being our brain. So it it has these neural pathways of that thought that you've thought of, oh, I don't have enough money. Or if I don't have enough money, I'm not going to be safe. So when you think that thought, and you catch it, you say stop, you picture the stop sign. You hold it there until it's gone. And then you practice some reframing tools. So first, you start taking a big deep breath to again, switch your nervous system from that fight or flight which you are in because your brain can't tell the difference between you thinking you don't have enough money and a bear trying to eat you. It cannot tell the difference. It literally thinks you're going to die. Right? It thinks you're gonna die. So by saying stop holding it. Reconnecting with your breath reconnecting with your body. I have enough. I am safe. I am secure. Money is only energy. I can grow from this, like literally talking to yourself out loud. And what this does is by reframing and changing into positive mantras, something that you believe needs to be something that you believe, like knowing that you're safe, I'm safe, I'm secure. I'm okay. I'm okay right now just saying things like that is self soothing. And what it's going to do is it's creating positive stimulus for you so now you're going to have corresponding emotions and thoughts that match it. If you do it enough, it's also going to break up those old neural pathways you're going to have less and less of those thoughts and it's going to be easier for you to think the thoughts that you're thinking when you reframe So it literally changes your mindset around money and all this stuff. I had to practice this a ton a ton but thoughts are great way so the stop sign or you can do you say out loud 54321 I'm not thinking about that anymore. And you reframe into something else more positive. Hey, that's I was using that when I was having trouble after my mom passed away literally physically getting out of bed. Yeah, my brain I was so uncomfortable getting out of bed because I just dealing with the day's burdens and the grief and all that, but I knew It was getting to a place where I was avoiding and not actually feeling my feelings. And so I would do the 54321 and then move, and then physically move and get up and, you know, do my thing. And I love. I love when you said the affirmations, it's got to be something that you believe. And I remember I really struggled with this. Because when I first started with affirmations, because obviously, the affirmations that I was trying to create weren't necessarily things that I believe to be true about myself, right? That was really difficult for me. And so it would always I would step it, I would do like a ladder approach. Like, here's the ideal affirmation that I want to say strive to be. And then here's where I am that I can comfortably be like, yeah, I could see that within me. I'm really struggling for an example. Like Well, it's hard to say like, you're so abundant and you're living in ease when you can't get gas in your car. Yeah, really hard to believe that you are. Your divine birthright is to live a life of joy when you're stressed out about keeping your job. You know, so you do you have to step it in like okay, I may not be a millionaire, I may not be able to pay my bills right now. But right now in this at this moment, I am safe. Right? Like, you can baby step in and be like, Okay, well you know, maybe you don't want to get out of bed but you can get out of it. Right Just those those little tweaks of you know it we can start small and work our way bigger. That's fine. But just they have Mel, I can't remember her last name. But Robbins. Yes. Mel Robbins talks about she calls them? Um, pathetic mantras. Oh, small, so little that you believe it? You know, those small so little that you believe it? Like, okay, sure I'm not abundant. Sure, I'm not a boss and BEEYOTCH maybe I don't have this or that. But I'm okay. Right, this second, I'm doing the best that I can. I'm only human, I will no matter what I'll improve. Eventually, things will change. Like, those are pathetic, pathetic mantras that are believable, that you can work your way into. Yeah, I think it's, um, when I listened to, when I listened to I am affirmations, they actually really stressed me out if I don't believe them about myself. It's different for me, though, if I read them. So it's just so funny how we're all just deeply affected by just different, I guess, different methodologies of getting the information to our brain and ultimately into our subconscious, because that's what this is all about. I mean, of course, it's, let's go ahead and raise our vibration and feel better, because we can't create anything from a state of not feeling good, or at least, we can't create anything that we actually want. And that will serve us in the world. And so we have to, you know, we have to, totally lost just lost my train of thought it felt really good to, it sounded awesome. I like I know, I got like, all pumped up and everything, too. But I mean, this is all of this, oh, affirmations. And so the point is, we're rewiring our subconscious to think differently, because, like you said earlier, those thoughts on autopilot, they're stored somewhere, they're not just you know, bouncing around, they're stored most of the time in your subconscious, and, and your subconscious is, has all of these things down there. That is just experiences, trauma, life, thoughts, beliefs, cultural, all of these things are just chilling in there until you actually go in and you get it and you learn it, or you rewire it through these affirmations it's you're gonna stay stuck. And I remember with with coaching, coaching clients, and being a sales coach, I, when I was a sales coach, I used to think, why are we working on sales techniques for these people, when they can't even commit to doing the bare minimum of what is required in sales. So let's work on here first, like, I'm not going to give you the best sales techniques or the best life coaching advice if you're not ready for it. And so, we have to do that we have to rewire and this all goes back to if you're having if you're having these moments where you know you want to take you want to live into your purpose and you want to define what that purpose is. You have to rewire your brain because your brains are gonna think that Oh, I just got like a crazy download. A lot of time our purpose can be found in your wounds. Right like for those who are like well, I don't know what my gifts are. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. Like for me how I found my purpose was trying to and am I allowed to curse? Did unfuck my life? Yep, right had to heal myself. I had to learn how to heal myself and dive into my traumas. And now guess what I do? People heal themselves, I help people learn how to dive into the traumas my passion came from, or I'm going to get emotional, getting full body goosebumps. All my all of this came from my traumas, my difficulties. And so like any of you who are watching this now that are like, well, I don't know what my purpose is, and you're struggling. Just know you're in your purpose right now. Like you're, it's being developed in you. It's, it's growing in you. And as you get yourself out of that situation, as you empower yourself to heal through your environment, and your circumstances and your conditioning. That's how you unlock. That's how you unlock it is by doing that shadow, he's like, no, no, no, no. Mic drop. So I think that's fantastic. Because I I've always known that I've wanted to help people again, in what capacity, but for me after my sexual assault in 2021, that's where I mean, I'm not kidding, like the next the next month, I'm like, I'm going to advocate, obviously, that was not healthy. At that point. For me, it was healthy for me at that point. But you're right. I mean, that's I look at kind of that sexual assault has been the catalyst for me learning so much about myself and being able to integrate that, that I want to help others do that. And I know there's so many people out there. And I remember, I think this sometimes to you, your your social media, like you're looking at Instagram, and you're scrolling or you're on Facebook, and you see all of these people that are doing the thing that you want to be doing. And you say to yourself, well, well, there's already 1000 billion trillion people doing this XYZ thing. What do I have to add to it? Or oh, my gosh, I look at, you know, this person, and they've been doing it for so long, or they have 146,000 followers? Well, they didn't get that way by hoping and wishing. Right, exactly. But in real life? Yeah, they did put in the aligned action. So if that is you, if you have this idea of something that you want to pursue, and you see others doing it? Well, it's because you follow those people. Because you follow those people because it interests you. And so if that's the case, then definitely keep going for it, like keep moving forward. There's not as many people in this world doing that thing that you want to do. And also, we all pick up information from other people in different ways. What there might be things like Lauren and I right now could say the exact same thing and put our own little personal spin on it. And you might think, oh, gosh, yeah, Lauren's definition. Makes sense. But just as I don't jive with that, that's fine. That's why we need more voices in this world, more people to have that ability to critically think and discern between all different types of information and get it out there. We need more creators, we need more doers. We don't need any more people make you feel like we need more people doing good things. authentically. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Where I was the pandemic. I mean, a lot has come from the pandemic, right, a lot of really bad, terrible things have happened. And with COVID, but I think what's what's interesting is that first when all this hit the the kind of collective energy was just shit, like it was low because we were all functioning from a place of fear. Right? And but now I look at it and I see, I so me, I read a statistic. And I don't know the exact number. But essentially, it was like so many people are leaving the workforce, to then go pursue something that they want to do or their passion or there's more entrepreneurs now than ever before. And that makes me so damn excited. That's I think that now we see that life is can be simple. We don't need as much as we think we need or need to do as much as we think we need to do. I think the world is realizing the beauty and going literally going with the flow and you know, calming down going into neutral for a while. And that is freakin exciting to me. Yeah, I heard a spiritual teacher say the higher perspective or the bigger picture. perspective of the lockdowns and the pandemic it forced people to move into their feminine energy. It for more about that to bring back so the feminine energy makes you slow down makes you sit in it right makes you stay in the void. And when you're in masculine we as we have been collectively we've been in a wounded masculine energy of the overdoing over like over seeking over you know sourcing outside of ourselves. And so the higher perspective of the lockdowns of the pandemic, the kind of silver lining in that is that it forced everyone literally to go in. Right it literally forced people Go inside. And by being forced to go inside and separate from the things that we were doing that were keeping us distracted in that divine, are not in the divine masculine, but in the wounded masculine energy. It forced us then to slow down and see what was no longer in alignment for us. It helped us slow down and see where we were, you know, just on kind of this, like, hamster wheel of energy. I know for me, the pandemic was one of the best things that happened for me. Am I sure it literally says homebody. So yeah, right now. Yeah. At that time, I was running three businesses. I'm a like a apothecary, a natural apothecary online. And then locally, I owned a local shop in Melbourne. That was like a collective space. And then I also was doing a monthly Community Meetup called awaken women, where we had speakers and dinners and all that. And I was literally working 24/7 with the park business partner that was it didn't start out that way, but became very toxic. Um, it was a good healing experience for me. But in that, in that pandemic break, I realized, Oh, my God, like, what am I doing? I don't want to do this. I don't even like this person. You know, I don't even like who I am right now. And so it did it made everybody slow down and move into the divine feminine energy to again, find the harmony in the masculine and feminine. It helped us all slow down. We don't have to stop completely. But at least it helped us slow down and move more into the feminine of like, well, what is in alignment for me? What does bring me joy? What do I want to create? Which is where I feel that entrepreneurs have come from? Yeah, I love that. Will you do that? Oh, I was gonna say to like, if you if you're new to the terms, divine masculine and divine feminine, they don't necessarily relate. They're not gendered. They're just all Yeah, so it's it's just just know that can you give like a quick little snippet on divine feminine divine masculine energies? Yes, absolutely. So I'll build upon what you just said in that. All things have masculine and feminine energy. Men have feminine energy and masculine energy. Women have masculine energy, feminine energy, them, they have masculine and feminine energy, right. So whatever pronouns or whatever your sexual orientation, or whatever you're assigned to gender is, it does not matter. We all have, everything has masculine feminine energy, when I talk about masculine, feminine, masculine and feminine energy, I will sometimes use pronouns, just know that that's just the language that I have to use in order to speak about it. But I'm not actually talking about women, or men. I'm talking about an energy and it is, you know, we could change it the the label for yin and yang, right, that could be a good substitute, but it's just an energy and so feminine energy is the black of the yin and yang, right. So the void feminine is the void, it's the darkness, it is chaos, it is creativity, it is all possibilities. So feminine energy can be very beautiful, but it can also be destructive, if needed, right? Whereas in feminine energy is magnetic. So when we're in our feminine energy, we're drawing what we want or what we need to us where masculine energy is electric. So it goes out and gets things right and where feminine energy when it is developed, it goes within it goes in within itself and masculine energy travels up and out. Right. So masculine energy. Oh, my three year old, sorry. Okay. Just like to weigh in, weigh in on masculine and feminine energy. Yes. She's my shaman, baby. Well, that's a whole story for a whole nother time we should talk about Yeah. Yeah, so the masculine energy goes out gets things but masculine energy is also pure presence. It's the anchor in presence. So feminine energy is like water, it flows. It's like a river. And the masculine energy is like the river bank. It has. Its kind of our structure and helps us get things moving forward. Right. So we need both we need to rest we need to slow we need to create, but we also need a little bit of structure. We also need a little bit of direction. And I talk about when I'm talking about masculine feminine energy, it's not about finding balance. It's about finding it's about finding your harmony. Because me I'm a woman but I am more masculine energy than I am feminine energy because I run a business. I was in the military and I think that I was drawn to that because I'm more money. masculine. So a in alignment, energy or balance of masculine feminine for me usually about 6040 60% masculine about 40% Feminine there are definitely times where I moved more into my feminine. I'm certain situations, certain environments where I'm more open more receiving less going out and doing. So for each person, it's going to be different. You know, I'm sure you can think of a man who's very in touch with or has more feminine energy. This could be heterosexual man, it doesn't have to be anyone in the LG BT q plus community, right? Um, and you'll meet a lot of women to like, some women are intimidated by me because I have more masculine energy, but I'm not. It's it's nothing to be intimidated by etc. Right. So it's just about understanding that it's everywhere. It's in everything, and we want to find our own personal harmony. Ah, yeah, I mean, I definitely see that and I think too, I have lived most of my life and masculine energy for where the mat masculine is, the more dominant one is just especially growing up from not feeling very safe. And all of these things that have happened to me, but it's what's interesting in the last year, I have been allowing myself to open up to more vulnerability. And that right there, and that opening up that vulnerability is also led to like, a sexual revolution, which is really cool, too. We'll talk about that. That feminine on that too. Because all right, right. Yeah. And so it's like, it's these? It's Yes. Anyway, so thank you for, for explaining that. Because I think it really is important. And it is, like you said, having your harmony within it. And then I guess bringing it all back to, I guess, our life's purpose and remembering to like we don't our life's purpose isn't always our career. I mean, it isn't always our career, sometimes. It's so much more than that. And and so for me, I'm I've learned, and I know, some people might not agree with this listening, but I'm more of a how do I want to feel versus what do I want to achieve? Right? And so that that shifts a lot for me when I think about my goals that way. So it's like, when I have this, you know, this big, hairy, audacious goal, and I hit it, that's going to be great. But what is it that I want to learn from where I am in this moment now until when I can say I accomplished that goal? Well, I want to learn about more presence. I want to learn more specifically about XYZ skill. And I want to know about the shadow piece of me, right? So I know those are the three connected pieces that when I figured them out or integrate them and accomplish them within myself, the goal is going to be met with of course, with aligned action, I get really stressed out over, I want to stress out but a little overwhelmed when it's like, okay, I need to hit this number goal and that number goal, and they need to be smart goals and this and that, that actually does the opposite for me sometimes, especially when I'm having trouble believing that I can achieve it. Right? Yeah, though, sometimes the most helpful thing that you can do is back off and figure out why you have the resistance to it. Because until you figure out where the resistance is coming from, and what it what the belief is exactly until you start dismantling that you're going to be fighting yourself the whole way. And that's exhausting. Uh huh. And I've been doing it for 33 years. Yeah, exactly. And on a subconscious level, too. So like, literally like your body will make you sick. Yeah, right. Like I had a client who before meetings, she would literally feel sick before meetings because her subconscious told her that meetings aren't fun, and that she isn't in control of her time. And so she even though she had a goal to accomplish, and she had a job, job to do, and she wanted to get on and do it, her body would make her sick because she had that subconscious belief that she couldn't, that she wasn't worthy. And then it wasn't fun and that now someone else was controlling her time, which none of those things were true. She she works for her self, you know, all of these other things. So it can be like things that you're not even consciously aware of. It can be you being attracted to unavailable men, it can be or women or them they it can be you. Constantly procrastinating. It can be you having panic attacks, all of those are subconscious ways that we can self sabotage or shadow can self sabotage. If we haven't done the work to figure out like, do I have any beliefs about the goal that I want to accomplish? Do I have any beliefs about my worth? Who I am what I'm what I'm capable of around my purpose, like and if you have something there and you're not aware of it, it's controlling you and you're fighting against it. I think all of our all of our purposes should include a level of I'm here to find peace. I'm here defined. I people who think the word contentedness is negative, but to me it's very it's a very positive If we're because I don't know many periods of my life where I've just felt content with the here and now it because it's always more, it's always this. It's always that, but it's so interesting as I moved more into just understanding myself I, I was driving the other day and the kids were laughing and for the first time not trying to kill each other in the back of the car. And I just felt like I was gliding through. I wasn't driving, but FYI, I just felt like I was like gliding through this moment of just pure feeling bliss. And then I thought to myself, oh my god, this is what being present is like, and then my brain took over. But I just it's those little doses that we often are start to chase of. Oh, I felt okay. I felt presence that felt really damn good. I want more of it. Yeah. So I guess, how often do you practice? Yeah, I now all the time. Because it's so good. But I think another thing with with life's purpose, you may have found your purpose, you may have found, or excuse me, semantics remembered your purpose. And you might be doing it. But the problem is, it's not flowing, you're not getting anywhere with it, you're constantly meeting hurdle after hurdle after hurdle. I would look inward. It's probably not the idea. It's probably not the concept, it's probably not the business you're trying to build, or whatever you're trying to do. It's something within yourself is limiting your belief in your ability to do so. Right. And I, I someone told me here recently, and I actually gave myself this challenge this morning. And I said, someone asked me true manifestation. It's not just about wanting this thing. It's not just about focusing on that thing. It's about the feeling towards that thing. And so deep down inside, you want to have a cabin in the middle of the mountains and goats and all these things. It's not like I'm speaking from my own goals. Right? Right, that was totally mine. If you want those things, like feel yourself, feel yourself in those moments, and really visualize and I told myself today, that I'm going to unequivocally believe in myself, in my abilities to take to create this business that I want for myself, like, I'm just gonna know that I can do it, just for one day. Hello, I'm, I'm gonna be honest with you might even be one of those things where it's hour by hour or minute by minute. And so it's really going to be an kind of an exhausting day, that's not easy to go from lots of self doubt, and worrying to really, truly believing in yourself. So I'm, I've already had to do it's what one o'clock, where we are on the East Coast. And I've already told myself 5000 times stop. Yes, you can stop. What Yes, you can. And I keep telling myself that. So I urge everyone listening to do that, to just believe in yourself, pick a duration of time, maybe it's for one minute, or five or 10, or whatever works for you. Same thing with meditation, like if you meditate. If you're new to meditation, if you're new to affirmations, or any of this stuff, just do it for one minute. Literally, just do it for one minute. It's It's nobody sits down. I don't I know people that have meditated for so long, and they still get disrupted and dysregulated it's a thing. Same thing with affirmations, this stuff is not easy. If it were easy, we would all be in a better situation, collectively. So any final thoughts on finding your life's purpose and living out living that out? I think it's, I'll kind of review and then I'll build I think the big key stones are figuring out where your beliefs or your conditioning or your shadow is keeping you from it. So actively trying to find those places where you have beliefs that are holding you back from your full potential. I think then also it's going to be changing your mindset around certain things making, letting go of things that aren't really a priority to you. That were a priority to somebody else and really going all in and focusing even at the the with the fear of failure, you have to do it anyways. I have a saying it's called feel the feels and do it anyways. I can't tell you how many times I felt like I didn't want to do it or I felt like it was gonna be bad or it felt like this, but I did it anyways. And it paid off. You know what I'm saying? So, feel it feels do it anyways, be aware of your shadow. And if you're lost if you don't know where to start, start following people who inspire you, or if you can work with a mentor. Hands down. Heck yes, still work with mentors. Um, you know, periodically I'll feel stuck or I'll feel like okay, I have this project and I don't know how to still things I don't know how to do. So I will go hire someone who does. Problem solved. And now I have that skill I built in a relationship with the person, they got text to fill their purpose, and I'm getting to fulfill mine. So those would be my my things. Be aware of your shadow, feel the feels, do it anyways, follow people, keep yourself around people that inspire you, and or hire a mentor or coach work with a mentor or coach, you're not going to work with a coach forever. You just it's just parts of your life where you're getting through stuff where you're learning things. How else are you going to learn? Yeah, exactly. And I would even encourage people to take it. If you go on, if you have Instagram, go on Instagram, there's like the I don't know what they call it. But basically, if you're searching and you want to find new content, to look at, look at what your main, what's mainly curated for you because your interests lie there. And so for me, I do a lot, obviously, there's my whole feed and then that part is a lot about spirituality and learning about yourself in psychology, and curly hair tutorials and dogs. So, I asked me this the other day, it's one of my favorite icebreakers when I meet people, like if I were to go on your Instagram right now, what would I see mainly in your feed. And I just think it's so such a powerful way to figure out what you're interested in. But if you are, if you find, let's find our purpose together, keep listening to the podcast because this is literally what this podcast is all about is uncovering all the crap that we tell ourselves that society tells us and makes us believe that we can't do it because the world doesn't know there are I mean, not to get to get too out there. But there are there is evil at play. And we don't yeah, like weather. There's evil at play that they don't want you to live into your life. They don't want you to live into your purpose or that entity doesn't want you to live into your purpose and then but so there are a lot of things that are against you, but there are a lot more that are for you. So find your people and find your passion and follow that damn bliss until it either expands or you decide that this is not blissful anymore. Right. Cool. Well, I think this is a good place to stop for this episode, but we will catch y'all later. We are so grateful you were here and yay Lauren for being a co host and we're gonna have so much fun. Make sure you you follow us on on Instagram at consciously dot unbecoming and we are looking forward to seeing you soon. Bye. Love you